As usual, your very wise, longingly personal, and beautifully written essay affected me.
Thank you.
For many years I struggled (even now I feel the need to use the word struggled, dare I was successful) as an artist. I was a screenplay writer. Hard to write that – feels like bragging. And yet that’s the truth. I wrote my first screenplay and produced it and had a very major success at 25 – it was invited to screen at 25 film festivals and my film was licensed to TV. At the time someone told me “It’s good you had an early success in your life because if it doesn’t happen again, you will have known success at least this once.” Ouch - had I jinxed myself bragging about my movie? I shrugged it off a bit and a little later wrote a short film about Anne Frank but Anne’s only living cousin (who she referenced in her diary) wrote me a scathing letter threatening to sue me if I dared to make my film. I couldn’t believe I had heard from the cousin she references in her diary but also couldn’t believe how unfriendly his exchange was. It was bizarre so I let the film idea go and shifted to playwrighting and musical theater writing. And again, I'd pour everything into a musical and self-produce it and shyly tell people "I'm trying to write musicals”. I wasn’t trying I was doing whether it was working or not I was doing it. I could never just say I was a writer. That seemed too indulgent, and I was embarrassed because if I wasn’t any good, how could I call myself any of these larger-than-life titles. I longed to be an artist, but it seemed so…it brought up exactly the things you do in your essay.
I temped to support myself and basically postponed other parts of my life, love, family all the while living in a half world. It wasn’t until I turned 39 that I realized I was in debt, and moreover I wanted to be a mom, I wanted a child desperately. I needed fertility treatments because I was in a same sex relationship. And to pay for those treatments I needed money, so things needed to change, now.
After a long time, many misguided attempts, and other things, I found myself debt-free – yay! ready to wrestle for motherhood, and then one end of July, sunny Sunday I found myself sitting in your world-renowned studio participating in a real-life workshop you were leading that changed my life. This I remember bragging about! You were a cult figure and, on the baby, making trail your name and work always came up. I knew I was in good hands and eased into all of this.
Because our connection took some time, I like to think we formed a mystical connection. It has been so profound I will talk about it forever. For me, your work and my motherhood are entwined. It’s also funny I can brag about this whole subject.
So let me brag forever and ever about you, and your books and your poetry and all that you do for people who want to birth a family. Let me help others by pointing them in the right direction…the Fertile Heart direction. Let me brag about your practice and your healing modality let me celebrate I am a mom because of your counseling. Full stop.
Beautifully put! May we all stand in our unapologetic brilliance and SHINE!
Yes!!
As usual, your very wise, longingly personal, and beautifully written essay affected me.
Thank you.
For many years I struggled (even now I feel the need to use the word struggled, dare I was successful) as an artist. I was a screenplay writer. Hard to write that – feels like bragging. And yet that’s the truth. I wrote my first screenplay and produced it and had a very major success at 25 – it was invited to screen at 25 film festivals and my film was licensed to TV. At the time someone told me “It’s good you had an early success in your life because if it doesn’t happen again, you will have known success at least this once.” Ouch - had I jinxed myself bragging about my movie? I shrugged it off a bit and a little later wrote a short film about Anne Frank but Anne’s only living cousin (who she referenced in her diary) wrote me a scathing letter threatening to sue me if I dared to make my film. I couldn’t believe I had heard from the cousin she references in her diary but also couldn’t believe how unfriendly his exchange was. It was bizarre so I let the film idea go and shifted to playwrighting and musical theater writing. And again, I'd pour everything into a musical and self-produce it and shyly tell people "I'm trying to write musicals”. I wasn’t trying I was doing whether it was working or not I was doing it. I could never just say I was a writer. That seemed too indulgent, and I was embarrassed because if I wasn’t any good, how could I call myself any of these larger-than-life titles. I longed to be an artist, but it seemed so…it brought up exactly the things you do in your essay.
I temped to support myself and basically postponed other parts of my life, love, family all the while living in a half world. It wasn’t until I turned 39 that I realized I was in debt, and moreover I wanted to be a mom, I wanted a child desperately. I needed fertility treatments because I was in a same sex relationship. And to pay for those treatments I needed money, so things needed to change, now.
After a long time, many misguided attempts, and other things, I found myself debt-free – yay! ready to wrestle for motherhood, and then one end of July, sunny Sunday I found myself sitting in your world-renowned studio participating in a real-life workshop you were leading that changed my life. This I remember bragging about! You were a cult figure and, on the baby, making trail your name and work always came up. I knew I was in good hands and eased into all of this.
Because our connection took some time, I like to think we formed a mystical connection. It has been so profound I will talk about it forever. For me, your work and my motherhood are entwined. It’s also funny I can brag about this whole subject.
So let me brag forever and ever about you, and your books and your poetry and all that you do for people who want to birth a family. Let me help others by pointing them in the right direction…the Fertile Heart direction. Let me brag about your practice and your healing modality let me celebrate I am a mom because of your counseling. Full stop.